Something I am Still a Little Sad About

Must get this off my chest.

I obviously had some pretty bad fertility problems. Not the worst of the worst, but enough for me to possibly need some therapy in the future. Anyways...

Rian and I found out we were pregnant on Day 9 after I had my "get pregnant" procedure. I just had a feeling and took a test. It was WAY early for us to find out, but we did, I went to the doctor and received some very high numbers (they are called Betas, which should double every 48 hours-ish in the first couple months). My betas were SO HIGH the first few times, we kind of had a feeling there was more than one. Possible more than two. My numbers were matching the numbers of triplets and quadruplets.

Then I felt some major cramping. My doc said just to come in and do a quick ultrasound even though I was less than a week away from my official 6 week ultrasound.

The cramping was from the stretching my uterus was already doing because I DEFINITELY had more than one baby in there. At 5weeks and 5 days pregnant, I had 3 babies in there. We couldn't see babies at that time, all you could see were gestational sacs, but there were three. They bumped back my ultrasound to 7 weeks since I had just seen them. Rian and I spent that week and a half in SHOCK. Three babies? OMG. We need a minivan. We need a nanny. I am going to have to go on bed rest at the hospital. What is Cameron's life going to be like? OMG.

At 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I went back. There were only two babies. One didn't make it. My doctor tried to make me feel better by saying that it very well could have been a shadow my uterus was making with their ultra-sensitive ultrasound machine, but I just KNOW it was a baby.

While I am ecstatic that I am having twins, and a little relieved that I won't have to be put on mandatory hospital bed rest (like they do with triplets), I am still sad that the third little babe didn't make it.

And...I keep seeing all those damn triplet commercials for the Nissan cars and the Chase Credit card. And the ones with the three cute little girls who all have their own personality but are triplets (I don't remember what company that is for).

Everyday I think about that little babe. But then I try to remember that it is not alone up there, it is up there with the other 2 little babes I lost. I have 3 in heaven now, and soon to be, three on earth. That helps to bring me some comfort every day.