Tomorrow I have to go back to teaching. I debated whether or not to even write this post, as I have some very mixed feelings about this.
I do not want to go back. I want to hang with my baby boy every day. He is so cute, and happy during the day and I love him more than anything in the whole world. However, I do know that at this time, we need my minuscule paycheck just a bit longer. So I am going back part time.
Here are a few positives of my going back. It is only part time and my school is on a "block schedule." This means that every other day is a set of four classes (red and green days). I only will be working on red days, so therefore, every other day. I will work Tuesday and Thursday this week, and Monday, Wednesday, Friday next week, and the schedule will switch like that the rest of the year. I also have some really good kids in my classes that I like and am anxious to see where they go to college. I also teach pretty fun classes, Sports and Entertainment Marketing and Introduction to Business. My sister will be watching Cameron, so he doesn't have to go to daycare, which is great for now. On days when she can't, my mom will be taking care of him. I understand that I am very lucky for that.
Here is the negative, I am not with Cameron.
Now here is what I am going to complain about. When I tell people all of the so-called "positives" of me going back to work, many people tell me that I have it made and why am I complaining? They don't understand. I know there are girls who actually want to go back to work and are ready for it, I don't and am not ready.
I have cried 6 times since Friday about this.
Any words of wisdom for me besides, "You are so lucky your sister is watching him." or, "Your schedule is so nice, you are so lucky." or "You need to let go sometime."?
2 comments:
I don't have great advice. I have just been through the same thing so I know how you are feeling. Let yourself be sad about it. I have been very lucky in that it has worked out really well for us with me going back to work. I'm sure it will for you too. I look at it as really appreciating the time that I have with Olivia because I'm not always with her. It's good for both of you that you are going back to work - especially since it is part time. You still have each other a majority of the time. I'm not going to say it's going to be easy the first few days, because it won't be, but it will get better. Trust me. And in the end, it's temporary. I don't know if any of that helped but I know you'll be fine.
I was actually looking forward to going back to work but the first day back was rough for me. I never pictured myself being a stay-at-home mom but when I really thought about it, life never really turns out how you picture it and you just have to do what feels right for you and your family.
I have a great book called The Feminine Mistake that talks all about the battle between working and staying-at-home and all the guilt/emotions that come along with either decision. You are welcome to borrow it if you are interested!
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