Como estas? I’m back for Part 2 of this two part series called Stink Fingers, Hammocks and Belly Update. Strangely, since the first part of this story was aired, I’ve received a flood of fan mail and questions regarding this blog. It just so happens that the fan inquiries relate to hammocks and belly updates among other things. In a change of pace, I’ll be answering this fan mail in the new mailbag feature called Rian’s Sack…of Mail.
I heard somewhere that you and your wife named your dogs Nelly and Macy (Mase) after rappers. Do you think that we are couple soul mates because my husband and I named our dog Diddy after P-Diddy?
- Elaine V. Parker, CO
Elaine,
It’s possible. I was recently attending a Smoky Hill High School (SHHS) baseball game when my wife mentioned that Ryan and Elaine had also named their dog after a rapper. It made me think. Why would two random suburban couples be so compelled to name their pets after hip-hop artists? The conclusion I have come to is that we rule. And rappers typically go by one name that sounds tough. I have two female dogs that weigh a total of 18 lbs. Could you imagine the increased hilarity of me walking these Mighty Mites if I had to yell out names like Debbie Gibson or REO Speedwagon? “Debbie Gibson! Stop sniffing REO Speedwagon’s butt!”
I’m a long time reader, but a first time writer. Did you and Jenn really get the same anniversary gift for each other?
- Jill C. Denver, CO
Jill,
This is true, but there is a slight twist. I purchased a relaxing gift for my wife to enjoy during the summer months while she is bonding with our newborn child. She can swing and sway while the afternoon breeze soothes her every concern. I was given a hammock of sorts, but the comfort is somewhat different. I suppose I could use it during bonding time with our child, but Social Services might be a bit upset. And the afternoon breeze is a little harsher in this hammock. Plus my neighbors don’t think it’s funny. I’ve attached a picture of me in my anniversary gift. Thanks for being a fan.
My husband and I have been married for 1 ½ years. He always tells me that he wants to “practice” making babies. However, it makes me wonder, can you get pregnant from the bee-hind?
- EAB Ann Arbor, MI
EAB,
Wow! This is territory I’m not used to. Are you sure you weren’t trying to reach Ann Landers or Dr. Ruth? Lucky for you, I have the answer…NO! That’s an urban myth that you can get pregnant from the bee-hind. Much like the legend that says you CAN get pregnant after “doing it” only once. That is definitely a lie, it takes time people.
I heard somewhere that you and your wife named your dogs Nelly and Macy (Mase) after rappers. Do you think that we are couple soul mates because my husband and I named our dog Diddy after P-Diddy?
- Elaine V. Parker, CO
Elaine,
It’s possible. I was recently attending a Smoky Hill High School (SHHS) baseball game when my wife mentioned that Ryan and Elaine had also named their dog after a rapper. It made me think. Why would two random suburban couples be so compelled to name their pets after hip-hop artists? The conclusion I have come to is that we rule. And rappers typically go by one name that sounds tough. I have two female dogs that weigh a total of 18 lbs. Could you imagine the increased hilarity of me walking these Mighty Mites if I had to yell out names like Debbie Gibson or REO Speedwagon? “Debbie Gibson! Stop sniffing REO Speedwagon’s butt!”
I’m a long time reader, but a first time writer. Did you and Jenn really get the same anniversary gift for each other?
- Jill C. Denver, CO
Jill,
This is true, but there is a slight twist. I purchased a relaxing gift for my wife to enjoy during the summer months while she is bonding with our newborn child. She can swing and sway while the afternoon breeze soothes her every concern. I was given a hammock of sorts, but the comfort is somewhat different. I suppose I could use it during bonding time with our child, but Social Services might be a bit upset. And the afternoon breeze is a little harsher in this hammock. Plus my neighbors don’t think it’s funny. I’ve attached a picture of me in my anniversary gift. Thanks for being a fan.
My husband and I have been married for 1 ½ years. He always tells me that he wants to “practice” making babies. However, it makes me wonder, can you get pregnant from the bee-hind?
- EAB Ann Arbor, MI
EAB,
Wow! This is territory I’m not used to. Are you sure you weren’t trying to reach Ann Landers or Dr. Ruth? Lucky for you, I have the answer…NO! That’s an urban myth that you can get pregnant from the bee-hind. Much like the legend that says you CAN get pregnant after “doing it” only once. That is definitely a lie, it takes time people.
My co-worker is pregnant too, and was concerned about her baby bump. I explained to her that hers was normal, and even went to show her a picture of Jenn’s on this blog to prove the normalcy. Unfortunately, she saw the pictures of your hairy gut first and threw up everywhere. That’s a true story. How’s your baby bump?
- Kelly R. Castle Rock, CO
Kelly,
Thanks for chiming in. I’m happy to report that everything is going well. I’m at about 48cm so it’s definitely getting bigger. My clothes are a little tighter, and my shirts seem to be shrinking into 1980’s style half-shirts. Who doesn’t enjoy a little furry belly show during the warmer months?
Hi. I’m a big fan and just wanted to let you know that I almost fell out of my chair laughing while reading SFHBU Part 1. Where do you get your inspiration?
- Nancy W. Larkspur, CO
Nancy,
I’m glad you enjoy the blog. My inspiration comes from real life events with a little BS thrown in for fun. I’d say that 94% of everything in here is factually true as I interpret it to be. Except this question and my response to it; this is totally made up. I just wanted to give you a shout out.
Big Ri, LTNT! OMG, I’m ACORN person that is HOH about your blog! SFHBU Part 1 mad me LMAO! That was great! DYWTHOSABF?!! WCGABACP! TNT!
- Vaughny Parker, CO
(Translation: Big Ri, Long Time No Type. Oh My God, I’m A Completely Obsessive Really Nutty person that is Head Over Heels about your blog. Stink Fingers, Hammocks and Belly Update Part 1 made me Laugh My Ass Off! That was great! Do You Want To Hang Out Sometime And Be Friends? We Can Grab A Beer After Chaperoning Prom. Til Next Time.)
Vaughny,
WTF!?!! It looks like a high school girl texted me. That or your computer vomited alphabet soup everywhere. Do you realize it took me 37 minutes to translate your damn e-mail? Holy crap!
Yeah, I’m down for hanging out. Set something up with Jenn and Elaine. Next time just give me a call.
We’ve never met, and I know you and Jenn are coming to Phoenix this weekend to hang out with John and me. Are you really this funny in person?
- Becky D. Phoenix, AZ
Becky,
Yes. Yes I am.
2 comments:
Thank you Rian for such a candid peek into your inner-workings. And thanks to the rest of your readers for asking all of the questions we were all thinking but were afraid to ask. Especially Becky's question. I was on the fence on whether or not you were really that funny in person.
Porridge encrusted finger may be one of the finest phrases I've read in a long time. Congrats.
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